MY ABORTION

Samantha accidentally gets pregnant. 

She makes an appointment at a local clinic and has an abortion. She goes home to rest.

That afternoon, there’s a knock on her door.  

It’s the nurse from the clinic. The nurse hands Samantha a plastic bag and says, “hi, this is your abortion. It didn’t die.“

Samantha stares into the plastic bag… looks startled at the nurse, says, “I don’t want this. That’s why I got an abortion.” 

The nurse says, “I understand… but we only use our garbage disposal on dead abortions. If they live, regulations say we have to return them.” 

Samantha shakes her head, takes her abortion inside and sets the plastic bag on the kitchen counter. What’s she supposed do with an abortion? 

Samantha worries it’s hungry, She didn’t ask what it eats. So, she dumps a ladle full of vegetable soup into the plastic bag. It certainly doesn’t eat raw carrots. 

Samantha calls her best friend… cries to her, “my abortion didn’t die. The clinic returned it to me. What am I supposed to do with this thing?” 

Samantha’s friend says, “Just kill it.”

Samantha’s like, “What am I supposed to do… flush it down the toilet?”

Her friend says, “do whatever but do it soon… before you realize it’s actually a kid.”